Falling from Grace

The holidays have past and im still standing. Things went different than I had planned.. don't they always? I opted to wait on the big conversation with the last remaining family members. I thought It would be better to not make myself the focus of the holiday time. I spent great moments with my sister, and we even had a chance to go out together, with me all dolled up. It was a good experience for both of us. I had a great conversation, with my cousin, who is a seminary student, very conservative.. he blew me away by telling me he was an ally! very cool.

I have been on a quite a roller coaster. The month of December really wore me out. I think I was in a bad mood the whole month.. I was a total bitch at work and snapped at some of my best friends. I broke up with my boyfriend. That was also really crappy timing. I was feeling like I didnt know up from down.. and now Im sitting in a bit of a mess.

I have been feeling so upside down. I suffer from what I have shaken my head at other trans girls for.. Poor self esteem. Its so hard sometimes. It just takes a while to really get the fact that im not a freak or some bad joke. Im paralized some days from leaving my apartment or getting out of my car. I have been really reluctant to make my videos lately cuz i feel so ugly. Its me falling from the grace of supportive voices and people in my life. I have to just keep going, and hope I can catch up to the rythym of my own feet. Im going to will this year to be a good one, filled with success, love and happiness!

Elle