De-Transition

I have been wanting to talk about a topic that has recently caused me to flinch a little and definitely take notice. It's some what of a forbidden subject, or at the very least is uncomfortable. The topic is: De-Transition. I have heard a couple gals recently make that decision, and both times when i got the news, its felt like a rock in my stomach dropping.

Firstly, I want to say that I support these folks in their decision. I support them because, it is their choice, period. But I also know that they have truly explored this issue, and have "walked in those shoes". It's commendable that someone would take such pains to really understand the issue. Now hopefully they will be without regret regarding this issue and can have some peace about it.

I shudder when I hear about others de-transitioning, mostly cuz I have thought about it at times myself. Yes it's true. I have secretly wondered if I took it all back, if that would be better, or more truthfully.. easier.

I have thought about it for 1 reason only.. transition and living as a trans-person... can be extremely difficult. It is not for the faint of heart or for the unconvinced. It can affect nearly every part of your life, in good and wonderful ways, but also difficult and painful ways as well. If your not doing it for all the right reasons, you simply wont be willing to suffer through some of the junk that comes your way. That said.. If you are doing it for the right reasons... that hard stuff, sometimes is meaningless and easy to deal with. Its a small price to pay for being honest and happy with myself.

My advice to those considering either to de-transition or who unsure of starting to transition at all is to consider the costs. I spent almost 2 years researching, seeking therapy, attending support groups and talking with close friends prior to deciding to make the decision. I was really unsure at the start, mostly due to lack of experience and being ignorant to my issue. Something that did help alot, was to spend some dedicated time in my preferred gender.. spending the weekend or attending an event as a women. I thought of as mini "real life" tests. Its a good way to experience some of the realities you may encounter, living full time.

For those who have the means, or the intentions of FFS (facial feminization surgery) or are hindered by facial hair, those tests are going to more difficult and the future will be a very different scenario as well. However, it's really common to feel "un-passable" or not meet the mark. But there are so many things that can and will improve with time, most notably your comfort level and your confidence. If you encounter difficulty at first that shouldn't be the only reason to rule out the decision.

The question you have to ask yourself is: "Is your need to live as a woman stronger than your need to be accepted by others?" and "Does it matter if others know that your are transgender or not?" or "Are you willing to accept the costs, of losing social status, family, friends, or job?"

Those are hard questions to answer, but you will be well served to answer them, lest you become one of those who takes back their decision, and possibly causes unneeded distress and repercussions in your life. My urge is that whatever choice you make, that you do it because its the right choice in your heart to make, and not because its the easy way out.

My philosophy is to simply follow my heart. I often think of this quote: "It is better to be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not"

In love with life,

♥ Elle